Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
