She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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