I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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