At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
