she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
