Your favorite bartender is back from prision
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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