1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
