Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
