New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
