Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
