oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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