So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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