i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
