Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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