I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
