he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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