Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
