..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize