Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
