I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
