found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
