dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Its about making memories worth repressing
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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