I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize