Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize