peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
