Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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