if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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