He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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