you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
