if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
