Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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