Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
