I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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