You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
