sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
