Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
