you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I think I just sharted jello shots
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