right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
