Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
