Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
