apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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