Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize