I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize