i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
So squirting runs in the family.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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