The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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