Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
