There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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