I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
