12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Randomize
