I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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