my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
