Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
