You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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