I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
