I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
