Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
