he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
