not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
