if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize