You work out of a Hotel?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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