Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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