bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
