dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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