he thought i was a dude.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
