I swear god or herbie drove my car home
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
