the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
