Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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