After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
