Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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