Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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