What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
