i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
