Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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