hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
