awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
