Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Randomize