just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
