Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
