Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
