i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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