DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
