I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize