Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
