Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
