i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize