Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We just shotgunned beers for America
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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