I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
