You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
