they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
