Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
