Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
