I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My breasts were aching with rage.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
