I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
