dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
