Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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