Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
