nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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