If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
