My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize