i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
