fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
